This doesn't control me... or does it?!

I sit here...dreaming about something deep fried and smothered in cheese.

I cannot allow the food to rule. Do I need it? Hell no... Do I want it? Hell yes! Will I be angry at myself for giving in... without a doubt. Is it worth the anger and frustration of my failure if I give in? Hmmmm....maybe?

In all seriousness, I am sitting here making up orders of stuff I want to eat on my Sheetz app and cringing when I realize that any combination that I choose is almost my ENTIRE calorie allowance for the day. But it all looks and tastes so amazing! Why does all the shit that will kill you taste so good?

I am a food addict. It's pure and simple. I have always turned to food to give myself comfort and solace. This is no different. I feel out of control of things and like I can't stop the spinning. I have always been able to control what I feed my face. I rarely crave sweets... Its usually cheese. Deep friend and smothered in marinara. 

I have to get gas tonight before heading home... Here is my dilemma...Do I go to Sheetz and REFUSE to get the food.... Torture myself the whole 8 minutes it will take to pump the gas... 

Or go home and get gas tomorrow? 

I'm a chicken. I'm getting gas tomorrow. 

I have to admit defeat... and I know if I go to Sheetz I will get that food I crave...and yell at myself the whole way home. 

But will it really hurt me to eat it?